Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Mommy Guilt

RS tagged me to write about Mommy guilt:

1.Write about 2 instances where you have put yourself before your child/ children… been a wee bit selfish.

2.How did you feel? Did you feel a pang of guilt or were you comfortable?

3.Tag 2 more moms

Mmmm, well! I have had my share of outings by leaving kids with their nannies, grannies and at the day care as well. I did not feel guilty, at all. Period. Why would I feel guilty when all these getaways only let me enjoy some ‘me’ space and breathe free. Abbas is the one who feels guilty about leaving kids behind even when we go house hunting or any such place where taking them would end up all 4 of us being stresses out at the end of it. So, there are far and few instances when we actually went out to dine or watch a movie without them that I can count those using my fingers!

But yes, there was one such incident which made me feel guilty big time and it will be etched in my memory for ages to come. Here are the links to the long story in 3 parts: Part1, Part2 and Part3.

Other than this, like RS quoted, there are times when three of us come back home exhausted on weekdays. My patience gives away many a times and they easily become my stress balls to vent out my aggravation. There was a strenuous phase during my previous job which badly affected my personal life at home. I would get irritated with trifle things and shower my wrath on kids unnecessarily. But I’m glad that phase is over now. However these incidents are highly unavoidable with a full time job to handle, a household to manage and two kids to tackle. After such emotional outbursts from me, I feel guilty to no end. When those innocent souls rush to me with nobody else to go to for rescue and say with tears trickling down their eyes “Please don’t be angry, Mamma”, I join the crying club too. They delicately wipe my tears and make me wanna kick myself. Yeah, in my defense I complain about logging 9 hours a day at work but what I seem to overlook is that that they too have been out of the house for the same duration. All they need is some quality time with me! So most of the days now, I spend some rock ‘n roll time with them till they go to bed. Once they are asleep, my chores begin. Isn’t it taxing? You may ask. Ofcourse it is. But at the end of the day, their giggles and the spark in their eyes mean the world to me and they sure are my stress busters (and theirs too)!

RS, I am cheating but I can’t resist adding a few more to the list.

There are times when they are sick and you can’t afford to take the day off from work! In my previous company, day care was within the campus which was an advantage. But again, dragging them to office while they are sick is again painful. Mommy guilt is like that Vodafone dog – wherever you go, it follows!

I have this crazy weakness: I cannot start cooking till my kitchen is spic and span. There have been a couple of incidents when we would have gone out during the weekends, and came back only by late evenings. With my obsession to start the kitchen chores only after putting things in place, kids’ dinner would have got a bit delayed and Mannu would have dozed off by then. Aaargh! She would not wake up no matter what till dawn. That would make me guilty to see her asleep without a filled tummy.

Last one is this: Abbas and I will always be guilty of depriving Mantam from their maternal grandparents. We eloped and are still awaiting acceptance of our marriage from my parents. We are reaping the outcome of what we’ve sown. But my kids have missed out on everything that maternal grand parents’ house has to offer for no fault of their own.

Now I need to tag two more moms. I am very new to the Mommy blogosphere. And most I know have already done this tag. I’m gonna tag the first mommy cum food blogger I got to know – Rachu and the blog that I recently bumped into who is a mommy of twins - Momfrs


RS said...

Seema, I can so relate to that stress you are talking about and I took the tip of working after the kid goes to sleep. Its a huge relief to get work done faster and without a little body tripping you over all the time! And I also get to spend an hour exclusively with him which gives him peace too!
Thanks there! And for taking up the tag :-)

Seema Kamath alias Seema Abbas Ali said...

Oh yes dear. All those chores that hardly take 30 mins without kids around would take atleast 2 hours for me with 3 of us stressed out nagging at each other.

And why thank and all? I'm still flying high? what with my first Tag!!!