My fairies turned 3!

My kids’ 3^rd birthday was round the corner. We had huge plans for their birthday. Last two years’ celebration was restricted to just family, prepared some good food and 2 cakes! Ever since they joined the crèche, they had been part of their peers’ birthday celebration and would come home with return gifts. They would ask me when they would be celebrating their birthdays. This year, June 8^th was going to be a Wednesday. They joined school starting June 6^th. Their birthday was celebrated in advance at their crèche where they had lots of friends. It was on 3^rd which was their last day at the crèche before hopping on to school. After a lot of brainstorming and surfing around the blogosphere, I finally went with my very trusted Zebra cake. I topped it with some Chocolate frosting and concluded with a note ‘Happy birthday Mantam’ using whipped cream.

Second celebration was on 8^th where we had them distribute toffees at school. Sticking to traditional values, I made a Payasam / Payesh on that very day.

Final celebration was at home where we had a small get-together with friends, colleagues and relatives. Unfortunately there were no kids in the guest list. So we had organized a few games for adults. We did all the decorations and preparation ourselves. Abbas suggested that food and cake will be brought from outside. I somehow couldn’t give in to the idea of people coming home for lunch and not eating my cooked food. We ended up in a win-win negotiation. I could cook a few dishes which would be easy for me to rustle up and not dedicate huge time in the kitchen. Rest would be outsourced. Finally we had Naan, Matar Paneer, Dal Makhani and Kheer ordered. I prepared Mint Coriander Ghee Rice, Methi Murg, Tomato Chutney, Boondi Raita, Salad, Papad at home. Last but not the least was the birthday cake which I was adamant on baking on my own. I intended to stick to the protocol of baking 2 cakes but on second thought stuck to just one. I’m glad I chose the ‘Celebration Chocolate Cake’ by Hershey’s. It truly was decadent and won me accolades. I must say it was one of my best after Chocolate Honeycomb Cake.

 PS: For recipe of this cake - plz click here.

Incidents to be remembered - Part 3

Have been collecting some of their acts or words that brought a smile to our face. Before they fade from my memory, here I document for future reference:

• It was when they were barely 2 years old and had just then begun rolling their tongues to speak. They were very timid and hardly socialized. Mannat was very clingy and would throw tantrums if any stranger came close to cuddle her. We were in Chennai and I had got them admitted to a play school where they would be going just for 2 hrs a day. It really helped them in coming out of their intimidation. Well, first day on the way back from school I made them walk a long distance. It was as though all the Chennai Autos had abandoned that street for the day. Suddenly an Auto appeared out of nowhere and before I opened my mouth to call out for it, I heard a frail voice doing the honours for me... It was Tammu saying 'Aaaatoooo Aaaatoooo'. I burst out of laughter looking at her plight.

• The repeater bug has bitten Mannu hard lately. She would repeat everybody's words and mock at people in the same tone. Once when she kept on doing this to me I exclaimed ' Tu repeater hai tu??' Ever since whenever she repeats my words, she automatically adds the suffix phrase - 'Tu repeater hai tu?' leaving me dumbfounded with a smile on my face.

• I was putting them to sleep, me lying in between the two of them. Mannu pulled me to turn towards her and I obliged. Tammu pulled back from the other end as if they were game for a tug of war. I politely tried to make Tammu understand saying I will face her once Mannu is asleep (coz Mannu was on the verge of falling asleep sooner) My statement offended Tammu and she turned away from me while she said "I'll get another mommy for myself". Wooohooo! Had never expected it this early though. When I told Abbas, he innocently said "I never could muster the courage to tell you such a thing all these 5 years. Look at my daughter's guts!!!" Phew

• Most of our favourite material things at home have a name. Like I said in one od my earlier posts, our car's name is Bulu. All Mannu Tammu's dolls have a name each (easy coz they only have a handful of them) The biggest of all being Sunny the teddy bear. Then there are Baby Girl, Baby Boy. The former being Tammu's child and the latter Mannu's (Children get easily exchanged among themselves depending on the mood of their mommies...) Now one day Abbas brought out from the wardrobe Johnny (it's a small noddy that I hade made and presented Abbas) Ever since Tammu's baby is neglected and she is so much in love woth Johnny. Mannu 'Bechari' carries both Baby Boy and Girl... One day Tammu was singing lullaby to Johnny and told me that she was gonna put him to sleep. With intention of pulling her leg, I advised "Why don't you put on diapers or else Johnny will pee on the bed". She seriously gave it a thought and replied "But Johnny doesn't have diapers". I asked "Where is Johnny's father?" Bang came the reply without any ado as though she had answered this question a hundred times before this. "Paadal (father) has gone to office" I was intrigued by her answers and was in a mood to continue this Q&A session to see how creative she can get. I said, "Take my mobile and call Johnny's father. Ask him to get diapers when he comes." She sincerely took the mobile, pressed a few buttons and held it to her ears. She said "Paadal Paadal... Bring diapers for Johnny, Okay?" She told me "Mamma, Paadal will bring". I asked again "Tammu, when is Johnny's birthday?" Instantly came the answer "September"! I was amazed... She said he is sleepy and went to bed with him covered herself and Johnny in a blanket. After a couple of mins, suddenly she came out of the blanket with a very frustrated look on her face and was about to leave the room. I asked her "What happened Tammu? Where are you going?" She said "Mamma, I can't handle Johnny any more. I am gonna go to office. Let the Paadal take care of him!!!" I silently whispered 'God bless my real grand children!!!'

• There are times when I ask them something and I get dumbest of answers. My instant reaction would be 'Tera sir! (sir as in head in Hindi') One day Tammu asked Mannu some question and Mannu gave a foolish answer. Tammu said 'Tera sir hai'. And guess how Mannu retorted?! She said 'Tera pillow hai'... Lol

• When we come back home on weekdays, my doemstic help washes all the tiffin boxes. I invert the boxes and the lids and jumble them up. Mannu Tammu are given the task of matching the lid and the box and keeping the boxes in kitchen cabinet. Tammu is such a lazy bum, she is a master of pretexts. As I would reject all her pleas for not doing the task... she finally came up with the cutest of all pretexts - "Mamma I am not Big. I am very small... I'll do it when I become big"

Lot many incidents to pen down. More in posts to come...

Nyu Kool - Promotion from Creche to Nursery!

They are going to school now. Yes they have grown ‘Big’! It’s as though my butterflies have come out of the cocoon and ready to take flight… The mommy in me is concerned about outside world that they would be facing head on. Abbas and I aspire to be the kind of parents they could easily confide in. Ofcourse friends are friends and parents can’t become their kids’ “friends”. But I believe parents should not build a firewall around themselves and make the kid hesitate to approach them. We would like to build a healthy camaraderie with them so that they know we are always there for them whenever the need be.

I was not there with them on their first day at the new school. Baba was handed over the responsibility of accompanying them. Daughters’ tears make him go week in the knees. He has always chosen to stay back home during each of their vaccination trips or had he come along by chance, he was nowhere to be seen when we were called in. Well, I was mentally preparing them by chanting to them all the time that they would be joining a new school and how fun it would be… I weaved stories around the new school and narrated to them during bed time. Finally the D-Day (more for the Baba than his fairies) came. They went in all excited and when the rest of the kids cried even they joined the chorus. Perhaps they thought it was part of the protocol and they had to abide by it. Abbas would have shed litres of tears then and there but the man in him came to rescue. He somehow controlled the urge to barge in and get his daughters back home!

When I went to pick them up in the evening, the teacher told me that they had begun asking about Mamma and Baba from 4 o’ clock. And Tammu would ask Mannu, and Mannu would mumble words of consolation to her and she would be content!!! This is their second week in the new school and Baba was upset yesterday that his daughters did not wave at him instead swiftly marched in and disappeared from his view. The teacher and the caretakers told me they were the best of all kids in the school. They are so disciplined that they even put back toys in place after they are done playing with them. I was a proud Mom listening to her and wishing she could go on for some more time as her words were so pleasing to hear at the end of a strenuous day!

They are learning new things now at school. Tammu today told Mannu – “Once upon a time, there lived a Mannu”. Mannu admonishes Tammu when she does silly things saying “No Baby. Don’t do it”. I could instantly determine it to be the tone of their teacher… Mannu pulls Tammu’s legs by mockingly calling her “Dhamanna”. On inquiring I came to know some girl Arushi addresses Tammu like that. Tammu got pissed off and said “Aye Mannanna”

Lots of new developments in them are going on and I need to catch up, will be posting here often!

Incidents to be remembered - Part 2

Continuation of previous post:

• ·         Abbas was playing some rhymes in his laptop and Mantam were watching and enjoying themselves. He then played a slideshow of some old pics and was asking them to recognize the people in the photos. I was carelessly watching TV as kids were being taken care of. And suddenly I heard Mannu’s outburst. She was conitnuously sobbing and I panicked and rushed to see what had happened. Abbas then told me that he had shown them a pic where he was with his nieces. And Mannu was crying because she was not there with her Baba. Phew! This girl is growing mighty possessive of her dad. And he simply loves it.
• ·         They were drinking Frooti and they had a small fightover something silly. Tammu got pissed off and took out the straw from the Frooti carton, and banged the straw on Mannu’s face. She hit quite close to Mannu’s eyes and the bottom of Man’s eyes bled a bit. We were all mad at Tammu. Once our tempers cooled down, Abbas gave a packet of Gems to Man and told Tammu that this is your punishment. When Abbas was away, I slowly tried to pester Mannu into giving gems to Tammu as well. She tells me by moving her index finger in oscillating motion, “No Mamma! Baba has asked not to give to Tammu na? I’ll tell Baba that you are asking me to give to Tammu!”
• ·         Mannu has composed her own song – “Bambalika li, Tittabita li…”
• ·         A cricket match was gonna begin where India was playing. As usual, when national anthem was being sung, we all stood up and asked Mantam to stand up as well. Next day when they were playing Srilanka’s anthem, the kids stood up and asked us to do the same.
• ·         Mantam were barely 2 then. Abbas and my BIL had taken the two of them to a footwear showroom. Tammu conviniently picked up a pair of shoes, removed her shoes, wore the new pair and gracefully kept her shoes in the showcase.
• ·         Mantam both still have the habit of sucking their thumbs. One of my colleagues told them that f you suck your thumb, I’ll send a Doctor to your home who’ll give you Big Injections. Tammu innocently asked, “Will he bring crayons along with him?” (Their paediatrican had given them crayons during their last vaccination)
• ·         Whenever I give or do something that Mannu likes, she’ll lovingly say “I love you Mamma” and boy! My heart skips a beat…
• ·         Tammu is too fond of our car. Abbas has namedit Bulu (yes he too is extra fond of our car) Whenever we come back home from office, Tammu will spot Bulu in the parking lot and rush to it with her arms wide open screaming “Bulu, Bulu, Bulu”. Once we had gone to a restaurant and while eating Tammu said “We should’ve brought Bulu here. He would have eaten too” We told her Bulu only drinks Pertol. From then on, whenever we pass a fuel station, both the kids ask us, “Aren’t we feeding Bulu?” We say “Bulu’s tummy is full”. They innocently ask “Why Mamma? Didn’t Bulu do his potty?”
• ·         Since they had this habit of putting things into their mouth, we would always tell them that their stomachs would ache if they did that. When they reached a stage where they could express their pains, Mannu kicked off like this – “Mamma, in my hand, stomach is aching”
• ·         The recent rage ‘Sheila ki Jawani’ took the avatar of ‘Seema ki Jawani’
• ·         I had put on Mehendi on their hands and Tammu, the ever-impatient soul wanted to wash it off as soon as I was done drawing on her hands. I told her if you wash it off, you will not get a good colour. Mannu jumped saying “I won’t wash my hands as I wan colour” Next day I put on Multani Mitti pack on my face and since Mannu was very curious I smeared a bit on her face too. When I washed my face, she told me “Mamma, don’t wash my face. I won’t get good colour otherwise.”

·          

Incidents to be remembered - Part I

They say ‘Kids are a form of god’. They sure have powers to relieve your stress, conjure a smile on your face, make you forget all your qualms and worries. I am double blessed to have twin fairies for daughters….

They’re going to turn 3 in a couple of months from now. How time flies! It seems like just yesterday that I was counting their age in days. They have grown big enough to choose their apparels and accessories (although I don’t entertain it), they ask me what I was packing for their meals, have also begun demanding specific dishes to be sent the next day. They learn by imitating elders’ actions and words. Teaching by examples is the best way to get them do, what you want them to do. I have discovered that enforcing orders is not gonna work always and they’re gonna develop a bossy nature and orders would be boomeranged at you. If you want your kids to be polite, you better treat them kindly too. I have become a better person in my efforts to inculcate good habits in my kids. All I had to do was practice the so called ‘good-habits’ myself and the kids learnt by mimicking me.

I try to keep my cool most of the times. But I am not a saint after all and do lose my patience after a strenuous day at work and no recreation other than two toddlers to tackle. Blogging sure gives me an unknown satisfaction specially when I can connect to so many friends I have never seen or met. Yet I miss them if they don’t post for several days together.

I am somehow drifting from the topic. I haven’t been updating this blog recently. So have missed out on documenting all the recent activities of my daughter which I would like to recollect at a later point of time. I’ll just randomly write incidents or their actions or talks in a random sequence:

• Tam: ‘Mamma, can u give me your ear-rings?’ Me: ‘No Tammu, you are small now. I’ll give you ear-rings once you grow big.’ Tam: ‘Ok Mamma. So are you gonna give ear-rings to Baba (dad) once he grows up too?'

• Scene1:

At pediatrician’s:

We are waiting to outside to see the doctor. A baby comes in for vaccination and yells loudly after being injected. My kids witnessing the baby crying shoot  questions at me. ‘Mamma, what happened to baby boy’. Me being the witty mother tried to encash the situation to my profitability and quickly said ‘The baby boy used to suck his thumb. That’s why doctor uncle has given him a big injection’ My girls instantly removed thumbs out of their mouths.

After a couple of weeks-

Scene 2:

My domestic help came to work after bunking for 2 days. Enter her and I bombarded her with all possible Wh questions to know the reason behind her Unplanned leaves. She conveniently made up a story saying she had gone to a hospital because her leg was severely paining. She was unable to move. Doctor gave her pain killer injections and yada yada. Having no say I asked her to do her work for the day. As soon as she entered kitchen, Tammu asks – ‘Mamma, does aunty also suck her thumb?’

• Today when we got off the car and I was gonna drop them at crèche, they had a look at their pillows in the car and said ‘Pillow pillow, don’t cry Ok? Manu Tamu are going to school. We will come back soon.’

• In my obsession to teach them identify colours, I would ask them to name colours by pointing to every object in sight. Perhaps I did it a bit more than required. One night when I was supposed to sing lullaby while putting them to sleep, Mannu suddenly said ‘Don’t sing this song’. I asked ‘What do you want me to sing?’. She said ‘Sing a pink Song’. I turned gloomy black. How do I compose a pink song then and there. With my ‘never face your back to challenges’ attitude, I began humming – ‘Pinky pinky ponky, pinka, pinku, pinko…’ And bang came the howl – ‘This is not a pink song’ I sang 4-5 songs trying to convince her that each one was a pink song but in vain. Finally I had to try my ultimate weapon called ‘Emotional Atyachar’. If you sleep early, THIS will happen, if you don’t THAT will happen.

• Nowadays I don’t have to narrate stories, they themselves volunteer to tell some stories. If Tammu starts, it’s difficult to stop her. Mannu gives blank boring looks at her and plainly nods her head. (Exactly the way I listen to Ma) Tammu is least bothered about whether the listener (irrespective of whether he/she is listening or not) is interested in listening.

• Tammu’s favourite nursery rhyme is ‘Johnny Johnny’ coz she winds it up with just 2 lines – ‘Johnny Johnny yes papa, Open your mouth hahaha’

• Mannu loves books and enthusiastically sits to study with me. Tammu is forced to sit and study. She will say ‘I’m not feeling good Mamma’, ‘I’m feeling sleepy Mamma’, ‘I’m feeling hungry Mamma’. I read a book and ask them to repeat what I said. Mannu would repeat obediently whatever I say. Tammu would also do so a couple of times. She would get bored easily and she would say ‘Byabyabya’ or simply distort the word I said and repeat it and start laughing at her humour.

• Mannu loves helping me with domestic chores. She knows the exact position of all the vessels in my kitchen cabinet and can keep them in their respective places. One day I was pouring milk into their sippers and I absent mindedly picked up the tea strainer instead of their milk strainer to strain the milk. Mannu observed it from the drawing room and marched towards the kitchen. She picked the milk strainer from the drawer and questioned me, ‘ This is milk strainer. Why did you use the tea strainer?’ I was stunned. I apologized to her. Next day even before I opened the drawer to pick the strainer, she was there to ensure I was picking up the right one. When I did, she acknowledged saying ‘Very good Mamma’. Lol

To be continued…



Down the memory lane - nanny hopping

Last couple of months has been quite eventful. (Frankly last one year, I would say) Feel pity on ManTam at times, coz while we are striving to steady our professional lives, their life’s going through a topsy turvy ride. Fortunately they have adapted to the haphazardness quite well. First 11 months of their life flew very smoothly…

Their first nanny Savita was a boon for us. Since she had joined us within the first week of their birth, they had got well accustomed to her and vice versa. I re-joined work when they turned 3 months old. I was a layman when it came to infants. I had gained bookish knowledge during pregnancy. Savita is a mother of two girls and I got to learn a lot from her which books never taught. I would teach her all that I had learnt from books. She was an enthusiastic soul and a perfect accomplice helping me in ManTam’s periodic photoshoots. I was maintaining a Baby Record Book and would read to her all that I had written and instruct her on what data I need to fill in due course and that she had to make note of several milestones during my absence. I would ask her to accompany me to the pediatric visits. Before the visits, she would ask me to make notes of all our queries we needed the doc to address. She would be at home from morning 8 to evening 8. I taught her basic English. Taught her some rhymes. I was grooming her so that she would percolate all the knowledge onto ManTam, coz I knew that she would be spending more time with my kids than I would. I put those 3 months of maternity leave to good use. During the 3rd month, I made a chart, which had rows for massage, shampoo, feeding, nail cutting, bottle sterilizing etc. I taught her to fill the chart for me so that when I come back from office I could know by looking at the chart how ManTam had spent the day. With her on board and Ma’s presence at home, my work life balance was at perfect harmony. Right from the 10th month, Savita and I were planning ahead for ManTam’s birthday. In the 12th month, on a weekday morning, a call from Savita put us on tenterhooks!

“Didi, Ami ar kaje ashbo na” (I won’t come to work any more), the voice came from the other end. “Whatttt??? What are you saying?”, I yelled unable to handle the shock. She said she had jaundice and she will have to be on rest. Still adamant to let go of her I enquired if she could send any of her acquaintance till she recovers, but she asked me to hire someone afresh. I was shattered. It was as though I had reached a dark dead end and I had no way to go…But like the old saying goes – ‘Time and tide stays for none’, the show had to go on. I was now juggling between work and home. I would massage, bathe and feed them, make their beds, put them to sleep, prepare their lunch, fruit juice for the evening and rush to office. Ma too had a hard time taking care of them alone. But she always tried to put me at ease saying she would manage. I was rest assured that my kids were in safe hands. There were days when Ma didn’t eat herself coz she was busy all the time attending them. I have been very fortunate to have her as my MIL. She was a working mother herself but had to let go of her career as she did not have a support system. Hence, she can empathize with me and is one of the reasons for my tranquil professional and personal life.

After a tumultuous week, there was a new entry to our household namely Poornima. It was very strange to see that ManTam strongly disliked her. Her mere presence around them made them screech. I still wished Savita would come back… Ma had to do all the bathing, feeding, putting them to sleep coz they were resolute to be rigid. Only thing she could do was prepare their food. She was very absent-minded and seemed lost in her own world. I personally didn’t want to have her around. But it was not easy to give pink slip and show her the way out. It’s not fair either. Luckily we got to know that she was pregnant and that her family didn’t want her to work. We too made use of the situation and made her understand that it would be difficult for her to take care of two babies. That was the end of nanny# 2 for ManTam.

During Poornima’s tenure, she had bunked on 8th June 2009, which was ManTam’s first birthday. I had taken the day off as I had planned to bake their birthday cakes. Our cook also did not come that morning only to make the day even more memorable. All day I spent doing ManTam’s chores, cooking and baking 2 cakes. I didn’t have either versions of a blender – electric or manual. All the whipping was done with a steel spoon. All day I couldn’t find time to breathe. After putting ManTam to sleep at around 7, I quickly assembled the cakes – Black Forest and Fruit Gateau. By the time I was about to tell Abbas to get food from outside, our cook appeared from nowhere, her face swollen and battered and I flinched at the sight. She was beaten up by her husband and she was hardly able to talk. She had only come out of her love for ManTam to cook the special birthday dinner we had planned earlier. I almost had tears in my eyes at this special gesture of hers. I first gave her some ointment to smear on the assaulted body. We both cooked hand in hand and finally came up with Fried Rice, Chilli Chicken and Potol Dolma. (Yes, all wrapped up within 10 PM) Then was the task of waking up the birthday girls and getting them dressed (forcefully). We were only 2 hours away from missing their birthday. Cake cutting was done with only Babu, Ma, Abbas, Latha Masi (the cook) and I. I felt the birthday was incomplete without Savita. If I deserved to be there, she too did. She has fed, bathed, massaged them many more times than I must have. But anyway, like I said the show had to go on.

After Poornima, it was Jharna. ManTam somehow mingled with her as though they knew her already. We only guessed that Jharna looked a bit similar to Savita. She was plumper though, but aren’t they too small to spot the difference? Good for us, we thought. Jharna quickly picked up all the chores soon. Somehow I couldn’t bond with her the way I did with Savita. Anyway I was happy that she had bonded with kids and Ma well.

They had been through nanny separation. Now they were gonna go through Mom separation…

A letter of apology to Amma

“You will realize my true worth only after getting married”, she would chant to me and sis once in a while. Those words would hit our opaque ears and they hardly mattered then. Yes, with Mother’s Day around the corner, here I am with all my guts accumulated to go public in apologizing to my Amma. I feel terrible for having taken you for granted – not once, not twice, I don’t even have a count of how many times.

Ever since I became pregnant, I craved for you more than ever. Not that I din’t yearn for you before that, but because motherhood had put me in your shoes. Every moment I spend with my daughters reminds me of your words, your actions, your love, your care, your affection. Amma, when I cut fruits for ManTam, I remember how you would keep a plate of neatly cut fruits on the centre table so that we could lazily pop in some of them while watching TV. I have even indifferently denied eating them never even bothering about how you might feel. When I prepare Dosa for my family standing for long hours in the hot kitchen in front of the Gas stove and giving them away one after one to fill each one’s tummy and then finally I am left alone. I make 2-3 Dosas and fill up my plate, switch off the stove and eat the not-so-hot Dosas alone. You know Amma, I feel guilty of never being concerned to make a single Dosa for you when you too ate the last couple of Dosas alone.

Amma, these are only a few instances I could quote of my day to day life which add to my guilt feeling. Honestly, I am leading a satisfactory and a jovial family and social life. But there is always this ‘void’ within Abbas and I which will only be filled with all of your acceptance of our marriage. I have realized your true worth, my dearest mother. The worst punishment of all is that I don’t get a chance to apologize to you. God has his ways!

Happy Mother's Day

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About ‘The Best Baba’ in this world

I had concluded my previous post looking forward to Abbas’ arrival and how curious I was to know ManTam’s reaction to see their Baba after 3 months. To my awe and his glee, they swiftly clinged on to him as though were demonstrating magnetism. Instantly I turned green with envy recalling how my daughters treated me on seeing me after a short absence. Well, nature enriches a woman with endurance, tolerance and forgiveness as soon as an embryo forms in her womb. People talk about the greatness of a mother, how she carries her child for 9 months, gives birth to it, feeds it, yada yada yada… But when I see Abbas, I am awestruck at the way a father is emotionally attached to his offspring although what connects him with it is his sperm, if you think of it logically!

I know Abbas for 6 years now. Till I became pregnant, I had never imagined how he would be as a parent. In one of the older posts, I have described Abbas as the to-be father. Initial months after ManTam’s birth were really hard for us due to lack of sleep. These days are generally spent by the mother at her parents’ place which was not a privilege for me. Abbas went through sleepless nights in helping me feed and nurse the babies. It was very arduous for him. I would empathize with him only to hear him consoling me saying “Because you can’t be with your parents at a time like this, I’m trying to give it my best shot Seemu.”

Other than carrying and giving birth to them, Abbas has done all that I have done for ManTam. He has had his hand at bathing, feeding, changing diapers, preparing food for them, cleaning up their potty; to name a few. When he is around, I am very relaxed as he even ensures that they intake ample quantity of water. Some of his attributes as a father puts me to shame and gives the mother in me, guilt pangs. For instance, I insist on going out for a movie or say shopping once in a while leaving kids at home with in-laws. He dislikes it but is compelled to surrender to my wish of spending some lone time together. There are times when both or one of them have not eaten properly and gone to sleep and Abbas would not feel like eating his meals while I hog mine as if it was quite normal.

Post marriage, I had conferred on him the title of ‘The Best Husband in this world’. I had no clue then that he would soon be promoted to be ‘The Best Baba in this world’.

My family reached me after 3 weeks of separation

I had taken the day off. Since I was working in graveyard shift starting that week (i.e., from 6 PM to 3:30 AM) I had come home early morning that day. Couldn’t sleep at all considering the fact that there was no bedsheet at home, I was sleeping on an iron cot that the owner had provided which was playing music in sync with my movements. When I had reached home, I was very thirsty and there was no water. It was just before dawn broke, so had to wait till sunrise to quench my throat. I woke up quite early and waited to meet the milkman to ask him to supply milk for us. Then I went out and had tea in a nearby shop coz without it my engine wouldn’t ignite. I came back home and set myself to clean up every nook and corner of the house. Before I entered the house a guy had lived there alone for about 15 days. And I guess you can imagine what condition the house was in. Guys!!!

I had told my landlady to get a maid to help me with domestic chores. Luckily the local flower seller lady popped up with one. I put forward my requirements and they quoted the price. After a few English-Tamil mixed broken words and sentences of negotitaion, the deal was closed at a mutually agreed price. She asked if she could get to work right then and there. Since I had a guy coming in the afternoon to install our new refrigerator, I told her to come at around 5:30 PM. Her name is Sudha. (Lucky me that I found her - she has turned out to be a blessing in disguise. She really goes out of her way to help me voluntarily.)

I set off from home about an hour prior to the flight arrival. I ordered some food for us from a nearby restaurant. When I reached the Arrival gate, Abbas SMSed me saying the flight had just landed. My eyes were fixed on the Arrival exit, reluctant to move or wink. And after sometime they came out and my heart skipped a beat. Best part of it was Tamanna’s reaction – When her eye’s caught me her jaws dropped with awe, her index finger pointing towards me and I was ecstatic. She jumped into my lap on reaching me. Mannat’s reaction was exactly contradictory and really disheartening. She rejected to come to me, cried at the top her voice when I tried to take her to me. She was running slight fever and I left her on her own and didn’t force myself on her.

Tammu was seated on my lap all along our way home and Mannu on Ma’s. We reached home and I asked Ma what food ManTam would have. Those 21 days had really had some effect on me as well as kiddos. I was not able to differentiate between Nestum and Cerelac. I couldn’t guess my kids’ apetite or taste. They had changed!!! I found myself asking each petty thing to Ma. The worst thing that happened that day was when I tried to put them to sleep, they screamed and screamed denying me. It was only when Ma pitched in and I came out of the room that they cooled down. I kept my cool too. I wanted to give my daughters room to breathe. I had walked out of their life one fine day and they had to cope up with it. Now suddenly when I come back to them I can’t blame them for not recognizing their mother. I told myself that everything will be alright. It was just a matter of time…

Abbas had taken 2 weeks’ leave. The very next day, Movers and Packers delivered our stuff. Abbas spent his leave by setting up the TV, Internet, Aquaguard connection etc by calling the respective vendors and following up with them. Other than that he spent his days in Chennai by spending quality time with ManTam. I was really taken aback by this ‘transformed Abbas’. He had learnt cleaning potty, changing diapers, giving kids a bath, feeding them and what not. He would also keep track of the frequency at which they are pissing and make sure to feed ample water to the one that is pissing less!!! I was really taken aback to see him this way. Atleast some good came out of my penance, I thought to myself.

This new Abbas was in the limelight from my kids’ point of view and I seemed to be overshadowed by him. Tammu was gradually behaving normal with me. But Mannu wouldn’t come to me at all (Read ATTT ALLLLL). She would always be with her Dad, literally stuck to him. When Abbas would disappear from her view into the bathroom, she would shed litres of tears and keep on banging the door till he came out. My patience was averse to be in harmony with me. After a few days I was really upset with the way Mannu was behaving with me. I was anyway facing denial from my parents ever since marriage. And now denial from my daughters too!!! Both the cases, I had nobody to blame but myself. Coz I was facing the consequences of the voluntary decisions I had taken. Like the old saying goes “What you sow, you reap!” Anyway, the only support system for me is Abbas. With him around, I can’t be distressed for long. He is undisputedly my “Pied Piper”. He instilled faith in me again that Mannu will be alright soon.

True were his words!!! Ever since the day he left, she began sticking to me instead of him. I had slowly and steadily won their hearts back. After all I’m their MOM… And now that Abbas is coming to Chennai on a leave of 10 days soon (after 2 long months), I am eagerly waiting to find out how Mannu is gonna behave with her Darling Dad. Will keep you guys updated…

My experience beginning the day I left Kolkata

It was 13th September 2009. I have heard some people believe that 13 is inauspicious. But we had chosen that day when we booked our flight tickets coz I had to join my new company on 14th. When I look back at that day today, it’s difficult for me to express my exact feelings. As a mother, when I looked at my kids, I was unsure if they would have judged me, had they been mature enough!!! But when I looked at my career this was a major leap for me. Although I was excited about my new expedition, I dreaded the thought of my children forgetting me. How would I tolerate it??? I kept on telling Abbas,”Please tell me they won’t forget their mother”. I would tell him, “Please bring them to me ASAP no matter what”. I would repeat to myself –“This is the first and the last time I would be away from them this way. I wouldn’t let this happen again.” My eyes have turned watery now as I’m recollecting that phase. I had declared that only Abbas should come to see me off. It would be difficult for me if Mannu Tammu come to the airport. I cried a lot on the way to the airport. (I pass off to be a strong bold girl from outside, coz I don’t like revealing my weaker self to others. Only Abbas knows me in and out) Abbas reassured, consoled and tried to comfort me with all nice words, but I knew he would also cry once I vanished from his view into the departure.

God, this post is making me shed more tears than I actually shed when I was away from my kids. I had controlled my emotions to such an extent that they had extensively got accumulated somewhere in there. They poured down like monsoon rains as I wrote the first paragraph. Now I’m feeling better.

To make the moment lighter, let me come to the good part of the three weeks. Within a span of 6 days, I travelled by air thrice. After reaching Chennai on 14th I had to fly to Mumbai the very next day. While in Mumbai I had been to my friend Vanitha’s house and ate mouth watering South Indian delicacies prepared by her mom. I was eating all those preparations that I had missed out on in the past three and a half years. It was a tongue tingling treat for me, thoroughly enjoyed it. To be more honest, first time after marriage I felt a motherly gesture from someone not even related to me. Thanks Aunty for everything… Simply love you.

When I came back to Chennai, I was staying in the Company Guest House. Marvellously built and beautifully maintained. It was the second time after marriage that I was actually relaxing freely (first being my days in the nursing home before delivery). A married woman hardly gets this experience of where she could just walk off the messy room with clothes dumped only to come back and see her room and bathroom tidied; her clothes laundried. She could just come and jump into the bed, watch TV with the remote control all for herself. She is being served food on the table. After eating she could simply get up and go to bed. I really got rejuvenated to face the strenuous days to come

After my Guest House booking was expired, I moved to my Uncle’s house for a few days. It was again a new post-marrieage experience for me: Being with my relatives, speaking in Konkani after a long time and eating the kind of food that I used to have at Kundapura. Srinath Bappa and Vatsala pachchi helped me a lot right from locating a house to settling the lease agreement to buying household stuff. Their daughter Tanvi was with me when I enetered into the house the first day. We had a small “milk boiling ceremony” too. She helped in setting up the house before my family arrived.

I was to work in the graveyard shift (6 PM to 3:30 AM) beginning 5th October. They were gonna come on 6th. More to come up in my next post…

When I had to seclude myself from kiddos to cushion their future

Our life was smoothly sailing through the usual ups and downs. Content, though Abbas and I were at the family front, professionally we were both disturbed due to reasons, better left unmentioned in public. We were quite well off to manage a family of 4 adults and 2 infants efficiently. But in today’s competitive world, one can’t afford to be stagnant. If you don’t move with the pace, it will be quite late when it’ll strike you that you have been left behind. I want us to be able to provide good education to Mannu and Tammu, also to secure our retired life. While being able to do this, I want us to lead a comfortable life too. With the kind of insatiable ambitions I possess, I began looking for new oppurtunities. Abbas, as usual is very resistant to change. (I’ve told him several times to read “Who Moved My Cheese!” But where does the busy chap find time?) Initially he was reluctant to leave Kolkata and had arrived to a conclusion that we would look for opputunities ONLY in Kolkata. While we both stuck to this decision for a while, we became enlightened of the scarcity of oppurtunities for our profiles in our Sonar Bangla. Even then he was determined to be uncompromising. Anyways, what am I his wife for after all? Kept on pestering, thrusting, urging… I began getting interview calls and I knew where they were leading me to. One fine day I told him “Boss! If I get a good oppurtunity, I’m going. If you think you can manage the kids without me, you stay back in Kol with them. If you think you can’t, then I’ll take them along. You have two options to choose from.” It was like flipping a coin for a toss coz you have thrown it and the outcome is out of your control. It’d either be in your favour or against it. Had he said “Neither am I choosing any of the options nor am I leaving you with any options!!!” it would have been a googly. But fortunately most decisions that we have taken so far has been with mutual consent only. He would politely put his point forward when in disapproval of something that I’m saying and possesses the uncanny knack of convincing me when he is right and vice versa. Looks like I’m drifting from the topic.

We finally decided to go on with an offer that I received. We had to relocate to Chennai. We decided that I would go to Chennai first and find a rented house and then he would come along with in-laws and kids, stay for a few days with us and then go back to Kol, keep looking for an opprutunity in Chennai. Easier said than done it was for me to detach myself from my ‘Tan’ and ‘Man’, comforted myslef by thinking of the ‘Dhan’ which would secure all our future. But the strong genes that I have inherited from dad help me repulse even the temptation to look back, the moment I decide and set a foot forward. I’m getting in to too much of “I, me, myself”, ain’t I?

Locating a house in Chennai was an experience of its kind. As I was working in the second shift, first half of the day I would go house hunting. The “Lotus Facial” that I got done just before leaving Kolkata seems to be having a reverse effect on my skin with Chennai Sun being the catalyst. I must’ve visited around 40-45 houses in and around Thiruvanmiyur and just 1 house in Thoraipakkam (which I reluctantly went to see when the broker insisted a lot) which I ultimately finalized. Like they say, some things are simply meant to happen…

Tomorrow my family is going to arrive and I am absolutely looking forward to it…

A special note of thank you to Srinath Bappa and Vatsala Pachchi for being by my side during these days and helping me in all ways possible. Thank you for bringing back to me, the feeling of having parental guidance, advice, support and protection. Thank you Bittu aunty and Shankar uncle not for all the stuff that you gave me, but for the kind affection you bestowed on me. Not to forget Ramnath Uncle for giving me lots of work while saying Sorry. (By the way, this weekend I might have to say sorry to you for my speed of replies would degrade) and Devika Aunty who is too fun to be with, I’m very happy for you.

Last but not the least is Tanvi who helped me a lot in setting up my house. Like an elderly lady, she kept giving me her precious words of wisdom free of cost. She is my Tamil teacher-cum-interpreter. Love you Tannu…

Amazing feeling of seeing your offspring grow

As days passed, both my daughters amazed me with all the new skills that they developed. They learnt many things by imitating their elders. But things that they captured on their own really marveled me. A smile from a baby is an instant rejuvenator that makes one forget all his worries, qualms and stress. Your baby’s touch especially when she rests in peace in your arms is simply out of this world.

Sequential milestones in physical activity: Rolling over à Crawling à Stand up with Support à Walking with support à Standing without support à Walking without support. Tammu crossed all these milestones well ahead of Mannu. Reason??? She is light weighted compared to Mannu. What I feel is that she has that athletic blood in her inherited from her dad who was a soccer champion once upon a time. Mannu resembles me as in Sports and I meant North and South Pole. In ways more than one, Mannu resembles me Tammu her dad. The extent to which the similarity goes really surprises us because Mannu is more attached to Abbas and Tammu to me…

Foodwise, they were only fed milk till they turned six months old. Semi-solid food in the form of Cerelac and Nestum were introduced. They also gulped in fruit juices and apple pulp. We introduced Khichdi to them, which was a mix of Rice and Dal initially. Then we gradually began adding 1 new vegetable every week. By now their tongues have savoured on Carrots, Beans, Raw Papaya, Sweet Potato, Pumpkin, Potatoes, Ladies’ Finger etc. Gone are the days when we used to get the Khichdi pureed and take them in our lap and feed them. Now are the days when they consider themselves as grown-ups. They prefer to be fed the lunch that we have. They love to eat with us on the table. In the evenings we used to feed them with spoon, small chunks of roti soaked in milk. My daughters now prefer to have the roti in their own hands and nibble on their own. When they are hungry, they would get the container of Biscuits or Mudi to us and ask us to open it for them. The days are not far when they would open the containers and eat on their own. Whenever we are eating something and if they are around, we are bound to give them a share of it. By now, they have tasted ice-cream, soft drinks, biriyani, noodles, pasta and the list would go on…

Don’t get me started on their mischief. No newspaper could escape their reach without getting torn. Tammu would inspect the nooks and corners of the house to find dirt to please her taste buds. She even took a bite of soap once as though it was a bar of chocolate. Strands of hair, wires, utensils, pens, papers, combs, bottles – they have tasted them all. Oops! Not to forget - their own POTTY!!! Eeeks…Dustbin is the favourite place for treasure hunting. We even have our walls decorated with teeth imprints. They pee on the floor and start wiping it off with the first cloth that catches their eye. Bathing is a celebration… When my nanny comes out of the bathroom with one of them, I am forced to think who has bathed whom? They can now show you their teeth, tongue, hair and tummy when asked to. Mannu is so fond of crows that even when she is very much indulged in an activity, a crow can easily divert her, Tammu can’t be made to sit in a single place for more than five minutes. She is always on the run after committing a deliberate crime. Mannu learns by imitating her. They never like to play with their toys. Spoons, spatula, vegetables, newspapers, bags and mostly all that elders use are their play things. Its fun watching them take a newspaper in hand as though they are reading it or hang a bag on their shoulder or around their neck. They would wait for us to have a look at them and acknowledge it.

They demand our appreciation on anything that they do. They don’t need material things. Your love and attention means the world to them. Guilt pangs me when I see their sad faces when I leave for office. But I sure love to see them jump with joy when I return home from work. Nothing satisfies a parent more than seeing his baby happy. Every accomplishment of theirs makes me feel so proud.

First day at home and then on…

Abbas had decorated our bed with streamers and balloons… It was a lovely surprise… And immediately then the timer for me to “stay on my toes” was triggered…. It only stopped when they tuned around three months old… The lower tummy area where the incision had been made kept throbbing. Our nanny Sabita joined only three days of our arrival. Washing their clothes and the kitchen chores fell into Ma’s scope of work. 

I bathed them. 

Changing their clothes, cleaning their bottles, cleaning them after potty and feeding them were “round the clock” job, in IT terms they call it “SUN Support or 24X7 Support’”… Abbas always shared these jobs with me… Ma too pitched in now and then to assist, in case required. We had found a nanny, Sabita, who joined three days after our arrival. But she stayed only during the day. Nights were totally managed by Abbas and I. It was frantic for him as he was working after going through sleepless. (Times like these make me proud of my decision of marrying him in spite of the consequences.) They had to be fed almost every 2-3 hours. But since they were two, we were feeding one of them almost every hour… This sure was the best ‘test of patience’ that could be. The thought that haunted my mind the most at that time was “When will the day come when they will sleep through the night? So will we…”

 Milestones during the first trimester in chronological order:

  

June 14	They came home
June 15	Mannat’s belly cord fell off
	Both had their first bath at home
June 17	Tamanna’s belly cord fell off
June 18	First shampoo at home
	Sabita, their nanny joined to look after them
June 21	Tamanna’s vaccination ·        BCG ·        Hepatitis B – 1st Dose ·        OPV – 1st Dose
	Introduced Cifran eye drops to Tammu as she had fluid discharge from her eyes
June 23	Introduced A2Z drops – 5 drops daily each
June 27	Mannat’s vaccination ·        BCG ·        Hepatitis B – 1st Dose ·        OPV – 1st Dose
June 28	Began applying Johnson’s Baby Powder
July 4	Both learnt to clutch their pillows tightly into a fist
July 5	Ended applying cord drop in the belly
	Began Body massage with Johnson’s Baby Lotion twice daily
July 12	Both’s heads were shaved off as per custom
July 23	Tamanna’s vaccination ·        DPT – 1st Dose ·        Hepatitis B – 2nd Dose ·        OPV – 2nd Dose
	Began applying Johnson’s Baby Hair Oil
July 26	Mannat’s vaccination ·        DPT – 1st Dose ·        Hepatitis B – 2nd Dose ·        OPV – 2nd Dose
August 2	We bought their cribs
	They used to sleep with us on the bed till today
August 3	They began sleeping in their respective cribs at nights
August 8	Ma and I went out with them on a taxi. We were to meet Abbas at P.C.Chandra Jewellers but wandered streets unable to locate it. In the meantime the shop was closed and we picked up Abbas and came back home in the same taxi. Tams enjoyed the ride but Mans slept all through.
August 9	We came out of home again heading for P.C.Chandra Jewellers, this time a little early to rectify the previous day’s mistake. This time it was Tam’s turn to sleep all through the trip and Mans enjoyed the journey. And I loved everybody trying to have a glance at our fairies. (One of those PROUD MOM moments I suppose)
August 12	Mannat began to respond to talks and thus established a conversation by making sounds of vowels like ah, eh, oh (mostly oh)
August 14	Tamanna began responding to talks, but she made less sounds and laughed more in response
August 23	Tamanna’s vaccination ·        DPT – 2nd Dose ·        HIB – 1st Dose ·        OPV – 3rd Dose
Aug 25	Tamanna held her pillow tightly when Ma lifted her out of cradle. She carried along it along with her not letting go of it for atleast 2 minutes

 

Post delivery qualms and the discharge

All the nerve that I had pre-operation had sunk down to great depths. When I was first asked to come out of my bed and walk to the bathroom myself… it was like a nightmare. I had never seen my self-confidence at such a low. The pain made me too nervous to even think about the discharge… I was unsure if I would be able to take care of babies well enough in a condition like that. We had not even found a nanny at that time. Abbas and my in-laws insisted on me staying in the nursing home till I thought I was OK to come home. I got discharged on 14^th June w

hich was a Saturday. I was too excited on that day. 

It was as though I had miraculously become fit all of a sudden that morning. The pain was still there, but the excitement of going back home with our ‘daughters’ took it over. We had to wait for quite some time for the discharge formalities to be completed. Abbas and I were impatient. He was too eager to hold his daughters in his arms, which he was not allowed to do till then. 

We completed the discharge formalities at the nursery and got Mannat and Tamanna. 

Abbas held Mannu and I held Tammu and headed for home in a taxi… Their grand parents were waiting for them there…..